Suffering is a reality. But suffering remains a mystery. Suffering is confusing. You look to God in all things and yet you feel defeated and dragged down. The more you ask for something the farther it seems out of reach. You know God’s plan is perfect and yet you get disappointed. You know God gives strength and yet you feel bewildered.

Psalm 44 gets this paradox. It’s a psalm about a people who felt deserted and neglected by God. The psalm speaks directly to God about perplexing pain right in the face of God’s saving power and deliverance of His people long ago. The psalm cries out directly to God with questions and doubts alongside trust and honesty. It’s a psalm for the faithful who are still left with more questions than answers.

Psalm 44. A psalm about fondness. A psalm about frustration. A psalm about faithfulness.

Fondness. The psalmist heard stories about the ‘good old days.’ God drove out nations. God made Israel great. The psalmist shares history lessons passed on from generation to generation. Storytellers would have boasted about miracle upon miracle, deliverance from the Egyptians, crossing the Red Sea, wandering in the wilderness, defeating great armies, and entering the promised land. A history of fulfilled promises. A history worth telling. A history of fond memories.

Frustration. But the fondness turns into frustration. Frustration with God. Frustration expressed directly to God. “You rejected us…disgraced us…made us turn back…made us like sheep for slaughter…scattered us…sold your people for a trifle…made us a taunt…made us a byword…a laughingstock.” This psalmist, like the Israelites, knew where suffering came from. It came from God. They didn’t know the ‘why,’ but they knew the ‘who.’ They knew the God who said, “I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things.” (Isaiah 45:7). God acts. No one can turn back the clock.

Faithfulness. The frustrated psalmist reminds God, dares to remind God, of Israel’s faithfulness. “We have not forgotten you…we have not been false to your covenant…our heart has not turned back, nor have our steps departed from your way.” But God still broke them. Broke them so much the psalmist says, “For your sake we are killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” It’s like the psalmist gets that one final word to defend Israel’s faithfulness. So, he’s going to make it count. Make it sink in.

The words must have sunk in with Paul as well. He quotes them in Romans 8:36. He quotes the words as an example that we will never be separated from God’s love. The frustrated psalmist knew this too. He prays, “Rise up; come to our help! Redeem us for the sake of your steadfast love!” He knew where suffering came from. He also knew where salvation came from. He knew where faithfulness came from.

Another setback for Zach means another delay in going home. But the delays of God are not denials of God. Trust me, that’s easier to write than to believe. That’s why we pray constantly for God to help us wait, trust, and not complain. God knows what Zach needs, and what we need, better than we do. He waits to do His will longer than we would wait. His timing is perfect. Ours isn’t. He knows what will do us the most good and what will bring Him the most glory. We don’t. We just don’t know. But we do know God. And we do know that suffering and setbacks will never separate us, or Zach, from His love. Maybe this isn’t such a mystery after all.

Today’s Updates:

Zach was taken off sedation, blood pressure support, and the ventilator this afternoon! So far he’s been doing very well on the trach mask, and his blood pressures have been amazing once they stopped his sedation. Zach also received another unit of blood today to keep his blood levels in a good range. We are so glad to see Zach bouncing back again, and we are once again grateful as Zach continues to surprise doctors with his ability to improve despite setbacks. The doctor stated again today that Zach’s collapsed lung was still a big setback, so they want to keep him in Winnipeg for a little bit longer so he can stabilize further before putting him on a plane to Calgary.

Zach was settled overnight, but he got agitated today when they weaned him off sedation. Zach didn’t grimace today, but he moved his body around a lot, sometimes swinging his legs over the side of the bed! The nurse said he may be uncomfortable with the new chest tube, and that he might just be moving around to get more comfortable. The occupational therapist said they were very happy with Zach’s movements as they keep his muscles and joints flexible. They have been doing hand exercises and leg stretches with Zach as well to make sure he maintains his full range of motion while he’s in a bed for so long.

We continue to thank God for his healing hand on Zach, and we praise him in the good times and in the setbacks. We thank you for your continued prayers that one day Zach’s will heal fully, particularly his brain, and that one day he will be able to communicate with us again.

“O God, we have heard with our ears, our fathers have told us, what deeds you performed in their days, in the days of old: you with your own hand drove out the nations, but them you planted; you afflicted the peoples, but them you set free; for not by their own sword did they win the land, nor did their own arm save them, but your right hand and your arm, and the light of your face, for you delighted in them.

You are my King, O God; ordain salvation for Jacob!

Through you we push down our foes; through your name we tread down those who rise up against us.

For not in my bow do I trust, nor can my sword save me.

But you have saved us from our foes and have put to shame those who hate us.

In God we have boasted continually, and we will give thanks to your name forever. Selah

But you have rejected us and disgraced us and have not gone out with our armies.

You have made us turn back from the foe, and those who hate us have gotten spoil.

You have made us like sheep for slaughter and have scattered us among the nations.

You have sold your people for a trifle, demanding no high price for them.

You have made us the taunt of our neighbors, the derision and scorn of those around us.

You have made us a byword among the nations, a laughingstock among the peoples.

All day long my disgrace is before me, and shame has covered my face at the sound of the taunter and reviler, at the sight of the enemy and the avenger.

All this has come upon us, though we have not forgotten you, and we have not been false to your covenant.

Our heart has not turned back, nor have our steps departed from your way; yet you have broken us in the place of jackals and covered us with the shadow of death.

If we had forgotten the name of our God or spread out our hands to a foreign god, would not God discover this? For he knows the secrets of the heart.

Yet for your sake we are killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.

Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever!

Why do you hide your face? Why do you forget our affliction and oppression?

For our soul is bowed down to the dust; our belly clings to the ground.

Rise up; come to our help! Redeem us for the sake of your steadfast love!”

(Psalm 44)